i'm a people pleaser...

I like for people to be happy. I honestly find more joy in someone else enjoying their Christmas present than receiving any. I enjoy saying the things that make people break into smiles and doing the little things that will help someone else have a great day.

The opposite of that is, though, I hate for people to be unhappy whether it's my fault or not. This is where the problem lies, especially working in Customer Service. I am an excellent CSR, if I do say so myself (and my boss generally backs me up on it) because I'll work so hard to make someone happy by the end of their call. If I can't make them happy though, and especially if they seem to blame it on me, it breaks my heart. I know that my worth is found in Christ and obviously not in the approval of men, but it still tends to break my heart to know that they are not happy.

Today has been rough. Call #1 was a woman who was upset over her perception that she had not been helped and nothing I could say or do seemed to make her happy. A bit later I had a woman offended by the way we wrote her name on her mailing and even though I corrected it she was still upset that we "would do that in the first place!" Then I had a call by a man and I could not get him the resources he wanted and so he told me that I was lazy, incompetent and simply looking out for my dime. After being, I thought, disconnected I called him back to try to get things cleared up when he told me he had hung up on me because I was "worthless." He then proceeded to hang up on me again but only after he had thrown in a few more cutting remarks. I've also received an email upset about our return policy, and one telling me that I'm not a Christian because I had responded to her request for us to put a stamp of approval on her divorce that God hates divorce and as far as it be for us we should seek reconciliation.

and it's only lunchtime...

I know this is a fine line we walk between letting ourselves be defined by what someone else thinks and being a servant as Christ has called us to be and for me the line is very blurry, very often. Satan attacks me so often at work telling me of all the wrong things I did with the last phone call, telling me it's my fault that person spoke to me that way, or simply causing me to rehearse in my mind statements like, "you're worthless."

I'm glad I don't have to stay in that place though! I'm grateful that I can go back to God's word and be reminded of how much he loves me. Today in the Fellowship Journal we were reading Matthew 20 and in that account as Jesus is walking up to Jerusalem two blind men ask Jesus to grant them mercy. The crowd that was following Jesus, all those who claimed to be Christ followers, rebuked the men, but Jesus took pity on them and healed their sight. I'm glad to know that even though Christians rebuke me and call me worthless, Christ takes pity on me and heals me every time!!

ps if you want a simple guide to reading the Bible everyday you can always join us in the Fellowship Journal at myfellowshipjournal.com :)