what about john...

Tonight God kind of yelled at me, in the loving Godly way of yelling at someone. If you've read much of the gospels it sounded a lot like his talk with Peter when he asked him over and over again "Peter, do you love me?" I've always related to Peter. I've always wanted to relate to John, you know "the disciple whom Jesus loved," although I still love that John called himself that. :) I've also wanted to be more like Paul, but really the more and more I read of scripture Peter and I are like two peas in a pod, he must have been a cleric, sanguine mix as well. I know I'm quick to jump out of the boat, and I know I'm really bad about then looking at the waves and starting to sink. I know that I'd be the first to jump up and say "I'll never deny you!" yet, I know there are times when I have. Tonight, I was shown another way that I'm like Peter, we're comparative....

Tim Lundy came and talked to 501 tonight about God's silence. I'm not going to transcribe the talk for you, although I do wish I had a recording, but I am going to tell you about my little "Peter moment." Tim was talking about how when we have those gaps in conversation we need to be sure we fill it with faith in Christ and not other things. I don't think it's any surprise to anyone, but I'm not where I thought I was going to be at 24. I never thought I'd be back in Little Rock, I was pretty certain I'd either be famous or in another country by now. I was also pretty certain I'd be married or at least be out of school, but I'm none of those things. I do know though that I'm where God has told me to be and honestly I look around and think, "ok God, I've held up my end of the bargain. I'm doing what you've asked me to do, seriously why is 'so and so' who has not sacrificed nearly as much as I have getting all the desires of her heart and what do I have to show?" Really, "what about her?" I'm glad to know though that once again, I'm in good company. When Jesus foretold of Peter's crucifixion in John 21 his immediate response was "what about John?" I can imagine it, if 5 or 6 years ago Jesus had come to me and foretold of where my life was going to be now I'm pretty sure I would have said, "well, what about Malorie?" or "what about Lorraine?" But Jesus said, "what is that to you? You must follow me."

So, that's what God said to me tonight, "stop worrying about them, that is none of your concern. You, Christa Marie, must follow me!" And ya know, yeah Peter did get crucified, but John wasn't the only one Jesus loved, he loved Peter too. So, once again I've got to get my eyes off those around me and simply follow him, no matter what that means. I'd rather be rejected, tortured, or even worse an old maid ;) than for Christ to look at me and say, "oh you of little faith!" I think it's funny, that verse "delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart" because when I was young used to think, "if I delight myself in him he'll give me the perfect house, the perfect husband and the mission I've always desired." And there are times that I slip back into that mindset, he's tricky though, because once you start delighting yourself in him, he becomes the desire of your heart it's when you take your eyes off him that suddenly you think all those other things are your desires. I'm so glad God put Peter's example in the Word for me and that even after we've messed up he's willing to use us for his glory and he just keeps reminding us to simply follow him. Because he has the plan and it may not look like someone else's plan, but whether he wants to keep them around until he comes back is his business not mine, I've got my own path to walk down.

i'd like to thank you for not praying...

I've been busy lately, of course when am I not? This week and next week are midterms coupled with papers and presentations and finding time to get everything done has been hard. I, though, have priorities (and have learned in my political science class that yes I am rational because will always order them in the same way no matter what order they are presented to me in ^_^). My top priority is pursuing God, that is through scripture reading, church and community with believers and whether I have a midterm the next day or simply work I will always choose my Christ centered focus first. So, while I had a midterm this morning I still chose to go to A Night with the Chapmans last night, which was wonderful and I'll tell you about later, but consequently didn't get in any study time. I prayed fervently to find time to study, but afterward last night and this morning time was not showing itself. Walking to my first class this morning I thought, "well I hope I learned enough in class cause I'm not going to get to review." As I walked into the Fine Arts building though I saw people from my class walking out and grumbling and then saw that beautiful white piece of paper on the door saying class was cancelled. Obviously others had not been praying to learn their lesson about music this morning and God granted my request for study time. So, I got an hour. My next prayer was that God would help me focus on what the important information was so I didn't waste my time with things I didn't know and once I received the test I was the 4th person done and I'm pretty sure I only missed one question. In my limited time I hadn't had time to look at certain examples and had completely missed a column of ideas I was supposed to know, yet miraculously none of those were on the test. After walking out I was joined by another girl who had focused her studies on the last column saying, "those seemed like the ones she was most concerned about." Followed by a few other derogatory remarks.

While I know that if others had been praying for there to be class or maybe she had been praying for her study time to be blessed my sovereign God would have worked it out. He's always proven himself to be all powerful so I think he could have done it. I'm just thankful that he heard my prayers and cares even about me passing my midterm!! I certainly do have a great God!