allowing god to do his thing...

If you read my previous post you saw that I have some rough days here. At times I want to yell, sometimes hit something, and like the other day, cry. With my controlling nature I want to fix all of it. I feel in my gut that it is my job to make the person realize how horrible they've been. I'm supposed to convict them and show them the light, but God clearly showed me the opposite this week.

Remember how I said a guy called me "worthless?" He had yelled at me. He threatened to not support the ministry and hung up on me twice. The entire time I was on the phone all I could think was, "Christ please give me the words." Secretly hoping he was going to give me the words to put this absolutely horrible man in his place. However all I did the entire time was apologize and finish taking the beating, then get off the phone and literally begin to cry in my cube. As you read God, though, showed me that I was worthy and that he took pity on me and being right with my Father I asked God to help me stop rehearsing the scene in my head and to help me focus on things that are good and pure and holy and stop worrying about everything else.

I've discovered that I do have to have God's help in this. I don't know if other people may be better optimists than I am, but I inherited from my father, grandfather and grandmother on the other side a personality of anxiety, fretting about everything. My mom and dad though taught me how to turn it over and let it go, which while difficult I've learned to accept help with and this time I was able to get past the "worthless" incident rather quickly.

On Wednesday, though, I heard a familiar voice on the phone, it was him again! I was certain he had called back to tell me more about how I fail in everything and was in process of waving down my boss when I heard, "this is Christa, right?"

I thought, "oh yes it is and I'm not dealing with you today! Just wait until my boss tells you off!!" I said, though, "yes sir, how may I serve you?"

He said, "will you please forgive me? I lost my temper on Monday and I should have never spoken to you that way. There is no excuse for the way I acted and God has been convicting me of it. I am so very sorry."

As you can imagine my jaw dropped and I of course granted forgiveness. He sounded like a different man. He was kind and encouraging. He was obviously full of the Spirit, which was so sweet to witness. It's amazing what God can do both in his heart and mine through forgiveness. God showed me once again that he is in control. I don't have to fight for my rights or put someone in their place. I can relax and lay in the arms of my Father and trust that he will work all things for good for those who love him.